I am a pretty fair-tempered person. I swear. For most of my post-pubescent years I have been the sane one, the laid back one, the easy to get along one. Even with my first pregnancy, I rarely had mood swings, I was always smiling and quick to laugh, and I worked right up until the end of my pregnancy without complaint. Fast forward to now… Not so much.
I’ve literally become a crazy person. While I’m secretly hoping this is due to an ungodly amount of testosterone flowing through my veins (PLEASE, PLEASE PLEASE… LET THIS ONE BE A BOY!!!! lol) I’m not exactly sure if that’s the reason or not. But lately, I am so quick to lose my temper, I am so quick to lose my patience with customers at work (discreetly in the wait station where the flow of insults and curse words that come out of my mouth would make a sailor blush), and I am so quick to get upset with my husband over the stupidest things. That’s the worst part. I know these things that I’m flipping out over are stupid. I know I’m acting completely irrationally. But there is nothing I can do about it!!! It’s like Invasion of the Body Snatchers over here.
Case in point, a couple of weeks ago we had an especially exhausting week over here. Him with work, me with work and Peanut, Peanut with school, and so on. On Sunday night, my only day off from both jobs, I went to pick up my little one from my moms, came home, and we all passed out on the couch for a while. After dinner, I passed out again. I was completely useless that night. On Tuesday night, he did the same thing. I wasn’t mad. It had just happened to me. We’re good. But, when it happened again on Wednesday, I was livid. Thursday, as I was trying to clean the house and he decided to rearrange the living room, I lost it on him for no good reason. None. I was sobbing and irrational, I cried off and on for hours after, and nothing good came from the situation. I think we’ve argued more since I’ve been pregnant than we have our entire relationship. And it’s almost always because of something that I’m blowing completely out of proportion.
Now, I’m not trying to be sexist here. I’m all about feminism and women’s rights. But, if anything, I would have thought this would have happened with my first pregnancy with double the estrogen. I mean, scientifically, estrogen is linked to us being more emotional and more in touch with our feelings, isn’t it? Now double that. I would have thought that carrying a girl would make me far more susceptible to these emotional outbursts. And it’s not like I gave birth to a tomboy. She’s 100% girly girl diva. So what is going on with me???? Again, “we” want to be surprised, so I’m not sure what baby #2 is, but either way, he/she is making me lose my marbles a little bit.
I’m also cranky at work, which is not a good thing when you work in the customer service industry. An already thankless, under-appreciated job is now amplified by my pregnancy hormones and my lack of ability to control them. Things I used to be able to brush off I now spaz out about. The same customer that’s been coming in for 2 1/2 years and never tips… I hate that guy now. Before I could tolerate him. Now, I totally avoid him because screw that guy. The same customers that come in on the same days and ask for the same things over and over again… I used to find some solace in their continuity and routine. Now I’m annoyed by them. It’s out of control.
I’m definitely earning this little “vacation” from work. Hopefully by the time I go back I will be so happy to be out of the house and talking to adults again that I will have refreshed myself for both the industry and my wallet’s sakes. At the very least, I hope it gives me the opportunity to enjoy my job and appreciate my husband again. Those are kind of essential for a happy life.
Well, after a refreshing lunch with my sister-in-law and nephew, I feel a little recharged. I’m going to relax, order a pizza for tonight, and head into work optimistic for a change. We’ll see how that goes.
Until next time, have a good day!